First the conspiracy theorists insisted that the vaccine for H1N1 was untested, unnecessary, and unsafe, that Swine Flu is not a particularly dangerous strain of influenza and therefore poses no threat to our general well-being or national security, as the federal government has warned. In fact, as flu season ramped up, a group of health-care workers filed suit in federal court to prevent the distribution of illegal, unnecessary and dangerous vaccines.
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That gave way to complaints from the masses of Americans who've lined up -- sometimes for an entire day -- to get themselves and their children inoculated, only to learn that there's no more vaccine available. With widespread flu activity in 46 states, the mobs desperate for a shot or a snort of the anti-flu mist grow angrier over the conspiracy to insure that every community but theirs has access to the vaccine (even if it might kill them, as their neighbors insist).
The grumbling only grew louder over reports -- since clarified -- that the government would donate 10 percent of our flu vaccine to foreign nations, although it's uncertain whether the malcontents are primarily those fearful of having their odds of inoculation reduced by the giveaway or those terrified that this little bit of global cooperation is really just another covert push to establish a New World Order. In either case, it appears that residents of Arab nations won't be interested in our altruism, since there's been a " wave of panic " there over reports that the H1N1 vaccine destroys the immune system and reduces fertility rates by 80 percent. The Internet rumor mill claims that the vaccine is a Freemason conspiracy organized by Baxter Labs, which, it turns out, is headquartered near Chicago (hint, hint).
If enough people are swayed by the Internet rumors and forego the shots, Swine Flu presumably may become a full-pledged pandemic. If that happens, the Government Accountability Office predicts that hordes of flu-infected telecommuters and millions of homebound schoolchildren crashing the Hulu servers may slow the Internet to a crawl -- a technological debacle that could worsen the $700 billion hit to the US economy that the flu may inflict. Of course, some conspiracy theorists contend that this would provide just the excuse the Administration has been hoping for in its attempt to seize control of the Internet and keep all of us in the dark about national-security debacles (like the shortage of flu vaccine, for example).
If all this is just a bit too confusing, clarification is happily on the way: on Dec. 2, truTV debuts Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura, a weekly one-hour investigative show that promises to uncover the shocking truths about 9/11, the coming apocalypse, a government program designed to use radio waves to control people's minds, and, among other topics, how the Bilderberg Group plans to thin the world's population through disease and vaccines. Ventura's guests for this segment will include syndicated radio host Alex Jones, whose website months ago warned that Swine Flu was created in a laboratory by the New World Order, and is meant as a bioterrorism attack. Jones argues that this is just a beta test, and when the real deal is heaped on the masses the government will declare martial law and, if we happen to survive, take away the rest of our rights. If he's right, it's a sure bet that the right to update our Facebook status about whether we've got Swine Flu could be the first to go.
Alan Green was formerly editor of investigative projects at the Center for Public Integrity, in Washington, D.C. His books include Animal Underworld: Inside America's Black Market for Rare and Exotic Species, which chronicles such issues as the threats to human health posed by the trade in pet primates.
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